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I felt paralyzed yesterday.  I didn’t know what was causing it, but I knew that sitting at the computer pretending I was accomplishing anything besides lurking on Facebook was ridiculous.  Fortunately, I’ve learned that the quickest way to transcend any state is to be in it. With my ego screaming, “You have so much to do!” I stepped away from the computer.   

I asked myself what the deal was.  Sure, there was a lot going on, but isn’t there always?  After talking to a good friend who understands the potholes and pitfalls on this journey, I realized that the paralysis was just another ego tactic to keep me from having what I want.  And what I want is to sell my house.  “Decide what you want and watch the Universe handle it,” Rita said.

Without realizing it, my ego had created a daunting scenario about what selling the house and moving would entail.  It compiled every moving experience I’ve had, added each time I’ve ended up on the short end of the financial stick and created an image so unappealing that it seemed a better idea to stay put, even though I wasn’t happy.

What I really want is to live in an apartment – to take the conscious energy that I’ve spent taking care of this house and the unconscious energy I’ve expended worrying that I wasn’t doing a good enough job and put it toward what I love doing – writing, speaking, and creating.

This morning I searched the real estate listings on Craig’s List and planned to check out e-Bay this afternoon.  Then, in the middle of writing this blog, the phone rang.  It was the real estate agent I talked to four months ago when I first thought about selling.  She was calling to “check in.” 

I don’t know what’s in store.  But I do know that owning what I want is already opening doors I can’t see and creating circumstances that go far beyond the appearances in front of me in this moment.

I have been the queen of “To-Do” lists for a long time, jotting down every tiny thing that needs to be done – from work tasks to emptying the dishwasher.  I’ve even been known to add things that I’ve already done just so I can cross them off. 

So when I realized I hadn’t made a list in weeks, I was intrigued.  Of course, my ego put in its two cents: That’s why you feel like nothing’s gotten done. You haven’t accomplished nearly as much as you could have if you had a list.  You’ve just been lazy.

As I wrote in my journal the other day, I found myself writing Make A To-Do List.  The distaste I felt was immediate and I observed my hand as something inside me guided the pen up the page and turned the “O’s” into “A’s.”  I had made the To-Do list into a Ta-Da list.

This is when it all became clear.  A To-Do list is an ego set-up to feel bad.  When did I ever get everything done?  That would be never.  There was always more.  I was constantly adding to it.  Having a To-Do list made me feel like the proverbial gerbil who goes round and round without ever getting anywhere.  In other words, a failure.

A Ta-Da list on the other hand is quite different.  It encourages me to celebrate each tiny achievement.  Whether I clean the toilet or complete the information kit for the new book, I get to rejoice instead of merely crossing off another mundane item.  It makes me feel good, not think, “What’s next?” 

Now this blog is complete.  Ta-da!