Thanks for adding your light!

In the last month, I’ve come across two kindred spirits who are doing similar work and want to share them with you. Sandy Gluckman works with individuals and corporations to manage ego and create lighter environments.  Learn more about her at www.sandygluckman.com

Carolyn Herfurth has a great new web site called TruthU – www.truthu.com – where she openly discusses her encounters with her ego.  She has inspired me to keep my commitment to doing video stories of my own experiences and provides a great reminder that no one has the answer to your questions but YOU!

We’ll be doing the first flash chat in the next couple of weeks.  To get all the info, you need to be a member of the TLOL group on Facebook.  Why not take a second and join now?

A mere four weeks til the “official” book launch for ego: A Primer, but you can get your advanced copy here.

Stay connected by subscribing to the monthly newsletter or the Daily Haiku by entering your e-mail address in the box below.  And finally, an opportunity to change your perception about “disadvantaged” people in the blog below – just scroll down.

Be light!

staci

The Disadvantage of Using the Word Disadvantaged

On a recent episode of Celebrity Jeopardy, Alex Trebek and Christopher Meloni chatted about Smile Train, an organization that provides low-cost surgery to repair cleft paletes. During the conversation, Trebek made a remark about the importance of taking care of “the disadvantaged people.”

To most, this may sound kind, compassionate, and even generous. To me, it was merely ego disguising itself as benevolence.

When we label someone “disadvantaged,” it automatically puts us one step above. It allows us to feel good about “helping” because “they” “need” “help.” And ego falls on the floor, laughing its ass off that it’s driven us to do “good” instead of seeing the truth.

The truth is a child with a cleft palate isn’t “disadvantaged” – she is merely having a different experience than I am. Only I have the power to judge, or not judge, what that means to me.

Putting a label like disadvantaged on someone only serves to make them less than. Then, by default, I must be “more than.” The only thing that makes ego happier than to believe it’s “less” than someone is believing it’s “better.”

It’s not ever content with the concept of oneness and it will do whatever it can to make you forget the truth and anchor you in the illusion that you’re either better or worse off than whoever you’re judging.

The next time you’re thinking about “helping the disadvantaged,” why not say something like: Let me be kind and compassionate.  Period.

My friend Joyce experienced a bout of sciatica last week.  The day I found out, I asked her what she needed and rearranged my day so I could take some supplies and medicine to her.  I called the next morning to see how she was feeling and realized that lately, when I call it’s to check up on her health – not to say hello or see how she’s doing.

As I digested this information, I thought, what kind of message does that send?  I would never want her to think she’s only thought about or valued when she’s not well.  Yet, reaching out mostly on those occasions does have that subtext, whether either of us realizes or not.

Our society, as a whole, pays so much more attention to those who suffer than those who express joy.  I guess we figure that those who are happy don’t need acknowledgement and love as much as those who aren’t.  But what a belief system that sets up.  By valuing suffering we say, “This is how to get the expression of love and comfort I want.” 

From only reaching out to friends or family when we perceive they’re suffering to companies that market or advertise products and services to make you “feel better,” we are a culture invested in feeling bad.  Just watch TV or listen to the radio for an hour.  The abundance of ads for medications designed to make us feel better – Ambien, Prozac, Ablify – and fast food places like McDonalds, who pitch crappy, albeit yummy food, prove we are a population starving to feel better.  And we buy it, so if only for a moment, we can be comforted by the special sauce sliding down our collective throat.

I still value compassion, but what if we asked ourselves, how can we validate joy?  How we can steer a conversation away from suffering and focus instead on ways to find joy and peace in our experiences?

There are so many ways we affirm suffering.  From enrolling in others’ drama to focusing on the negative.  From talking about how “bad” things are to watching the evening news.  We use suffering to bond with each other – author Caroline Myss calls the behavior “woundology” in her book The Anatomy of Spirit.

I want to see all the ways I can affirm joy, growth and faith.  Celebrating with a friend when she has an insight that allows her to change a habit.  Acknowledging a hurdle overcome.  Congratulating someone who has worked hard to stand where she is.  Out of the blue.  Just because.  I think I’ll go call Joyce.