Staci B & The Language of Light

Where’s the Answer?

I’ve been working in the library a lot lately and am fascinated with how many people use their one-hour allotment of Internet access to play online virtual reality games. Brian Carter, 56, and unemployed turns into Dagmar Manfred, 24, a successful real estate investor. Betsy Carlow, a 35-year old secretary becomes Pussycat Dawl, a 22-year old barista by day/rock star by night.

I used to think fantasy wasn’t all bad – if it makes you feel good and doesn’t hurt anyone in the process, what harm is there in a little escape from reality? Part of me wishes that was still my perspective because then I could ignore that I am responsible for creating my own life, my own reality, my own feelings. I try to persuade myself it would allow me to live in the bliss of ignorance.

I’ve often asked myself what makes me afraid.  What makes me believe I can’t have what I want or that I need to settle?  I’ve called it the devil, said it was destiny, told myself it was punishment for bad behavior, blamed it on karma from past lifetimes I couldn’t control.

I sought comfort in all types of spiritual texts, found momentary solace in explanations given by teachers and gurus, and delighted my ego and intellect with enlightenment that made sense at the time. I appreciate all of those experiences.

But after all of the searching, I’ve concluded that having an answer makes me feel better for a while, but it rarely has anything to do with the truth. Once all of the sifting and sorting is done, the only thing that makes any sense is to stop looking for it.

This process requires me to sit still so the false beliefs I’ve invented have room to bubble to the surface and burst. It means I must stop thinking, something that seems incredibly difficult a lot of the time. It forges faith and demands trust. It leaves me feeling naked and raw. Most of all, calling off the search forces me to return to a place where I am filled with wonder and utterly relieved I don’t have an answer.

Tags: acim, ego, fantasy, peace, reality, truth

Treasures, Tchochkes and Teriffic Thoughts

I’ve been AWOL for a month . . . so much going on. And as always, insights into ego and Self come with the territory.

Treasures:

In the midst of selling the house, discovering where I’m going next, writing articles for clients, creating the script for the Next Top Spiritual Author contest then shooting and editing the video, and processing all of the emotion that accompanied all of these experiences, I entered a contest on Tongal.com to create a concept to advertise the new Iphone ap TextPlus, which allows you to text large groups at one time. The goal was to use a scene from American history and show how things would have been different if the ap were available then.  Here’s what I submitted:

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A group of hippies sits around a campfire at Woodstock partying to the music when they each receive a message via TextPlus: FUZZ. They quickly swallow all of their illicit party paraphernalia, sit up straight, and act sober. One of them sprays air freshener. The cops run in, ready to make a bust, but can’t find a reason to arrest anyone. As the cops run off, a camper takes out an Iphone and texts other friends as a warning. As the campers leave at the end of the concert, they see cops with three hippies in handcuffs. The camper with the Iphone laughs. “Dude, you shoulda had TextPlus.”

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The giggles the idea gave me are worth more than any prize money . . . but that would be nice, too!

Tchochkes:

When I bought an ad in the Flyer for the moving sale I scheduled for the 3/20, I thought I had done enough. Not ever having thrown a garage sale before, and not being one who seeks them out as a buyer, I had no idea that I was doing anything wrong . . . until the sales at the end of the day totaled $1, obtained in exchange for a rusted out wheelbarrow.

So this weekend, I’ve stepped up the game and hope to pass on what no longer needs to be with me. If you’re in Tampa, stop by. You never know what kind of joy you’ll find in what someone else is releasing!

Terrific Thoughts:

Throughout the processes of selling the house and beginning the journey for the Next Top Spiritual Author contest, ego has been glued to my hip, determined to remind me of who I am.  Thanks to it, I’ve become aware of more patterns and habits that keep me from living life as me.  Thank God for ego.

If you haven’t seen RuPaul’s Drag Race, treat yourself. It’s hilarious, snarky, and glam-a-licious.

What a joy to move through the process of seeing how I tried to make a friend into someone she’s not and accepting her for who she is.

How exciting that I went to a junkyard all by myself last week, got a new-to-me mass air flow sensor, and the Pathfinder is running like a top! I felt like I was in the middle of  a Joe Pesci movie.

I’m amazed at the level of appreciation I have for myself and the two friends, Jeff and Christian, who brought the video for the Next Tip Spiritual Author contest, into this dimension. I love creating!

The next time I post, the house will “belong” to someone else. Not sure where I’ll be, but I know it will be fabulous! If I can continue to create in the midst of all of this, you can do it to, so go express yourSelf!

Snippets of Insight and Snark

A trip to the beach in Indian Rocks always opens the door for insights, understanding and inspiration. It also makes me the slightest bit snarky.  Here’s what went through my mind during the process of going to the beach today:

* I wish I could scrub the inside of my brain with a bucket of soapy water, rinse, and repeat.

* It was stunning to realize that I’ve always believed that the way to deal with pain is to push through it.  Not to walk away from what’s causing it or to stop what I’m doing that makes it hurt.  Head down. Nose to the grindstone. Push through it. That’s what I’ve done.  Because my belief was that when you push through the pain, it goes away. It does not. You just get used to it.

* I saw a guy getting onto the interstate driving a motor cycle wearing a neck brace, but no helmet. Seriously.

* I really had a taste for a Greek salad. One of my recent intentions is to “look for what I say I want,” so on the 20 minute drive back to Tampa, I looked and looked, but saw nothing. Trying to read the tiny type on the strip mall signs even made me almost swerve into the next lane. I reminded myself I merely had to keep my eyes open, not hunt for it. I was almost at Panera’s, where I planned to write for a few hours, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of eating there . . . again. I almost pulled in, but something made me keep going and what was in the very next block? A new (open for a week “new”) Greek restaurant called Gogo’s Greek Cafe. God’s a funny guy.

* I read that Chris Brown spoke out in support of Tiger Woods. Really.

* When Kevin Smith got kicked off the Southwest Airlines flight a week ago, it hit a nerve. As someone who has been heavy most of my life, the news created a tornado of memory and anxiety. Once I moved through it and no longer felt emotionally connected, I had a thought. What if it was a publicity stunt? What if the whole thing was a set up because he had a movie opening in a few days and no box office success in years? No publicity is bad publicity, right? I shuddered at the thought. After reading the reviews for Cop Out, my thought had been upgraded to a theory.

* I’ve taken things because they were available, not because I wanted them. Like a to-go Pepsi from Panera’s. From this moment forward, let me take things because I desire them, because they make me feel good. Not because I’m afraid I’ll want it another time and it won’t be available.

* For years, I’ve interpreted the tight feeling I sometimes get around my throat as my body telling me that if I didn’t so the thing I was thinking about doing, that I wouldn’t have what I needed.  Now I realize I was wrong.  What my body has been trying to tell me all this time is, “You don’t need to do this. There are other options you can’t see yet. Sit tight.”  This changes everything.

* Measurement has always been an obsession of mine. Grades, time, sales figures, hips. If there was a way, I’d measure it. It’s been more than 11 years since I left my corporate job and I still find myself placing value on my accomplishments based on the amount of time it took to achieve them. Today while walking on the beach, I turned around to see how far I’d gone. It looked to be a little over 100 yards and like some kind of idiot savant, I began calculating – 5,280 feet in a mile, 1760 yards, so if I go 300 yards, that’s . . .  then something stopped me. Why was it so important to know if I walked 1/8 of a mile or 1/4 or 1/2?  Measurement can be an effective method of evaluation, but what was I really evaluating?  The important thing to measure is how I feel – not how far I’ve gone, how many books I’ve sold, canvasses I’ve painted or money I’ve earned. Measure the joy. It’s all that matters.

* Free the damn whale.  Quit capturing wild animals so you can make money and then get pissed off when it does what it was created to do. When you play in a snake pit and get bitten by snake, you’re an idiot to be angry with the snake.  Let the whale go and find another way of “entertaining” the masses before more people die and are more people are traumatized because they paid to watch it happen.

*Wearing the Pashmina shawl my friend Barb bought me in Pakistan makes me feel wildly feminine.   Why is it that draping material over your shoulders brings out the girly? Maybe it’s the fringe.

Light for the Week of February 7, 2010

I once remember a former boss saying, “The only consistent thing in life is change.” Twenty years later, I have a deeper understanding of what she meant.

The biggest change for me right now is my absolute commitment to doing only what makes me feel good.  So there are some things I thought I’d be doing that I’m choosing not to pursue.

What I am doing is working on my third novel. I’m selling my house because I want to live in an apartment overlooking Tampa Bay. I’ve approached a literary agent who I feel would make a great partner and expect to sell the work I’ve done over the last few years.

I’m also writing for the Lazy Days RV center and learning lots of interesting things and meeting the most fantastic people.  I invite you to check out their site at www.betterRVing.com.

As of next week, I’m returning to the old blog format, so you’ll see the new blog immediately when you arrive.  For now, it’s below. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and experiences with you. I look forward to hearing about yours.

staci

The Significance of Insignificant

For years, I struggled to find the discipline to wash my face every night before bed. I know it may sound silly, but it’s been one of the tiny battles in my life – the kind that don’t require the general and all the troops, but one that has consistently redirected energy without my awareness.

When I’m in the groove, there is no doubt how much I love the feeling of a steaming hot washcloth laid over my face and the fresh smell of facial cleanser. It is a symbolic “wiping away” of the day and allows me to retire for the evening feeling good because the last thing I did was take care of me.

There always seems to come a night, however, when I say I’m too tired and convince myself that missing one time won’t matter. But it does. Because somehow, one night turns into two, then seven, and before I know it, I’m back in the middle of the struggle wondering how I let it happen . . . again.

Recently, something shifted and for several months now, I’ve washed my face every night. When I didn’t want to or felt too tired, I reminded myself how good it felt to crawl into bed knowing I’d taken the time to do something that made me feel so good. I didn’t give myself any “outs.”

It wasn’t long before something interesting began to happen. In the mornings, I noticed that regardless of how I slept, no matter what happened the day before or what I was facing next, I smiled – because I knew that I had taken five tiny minutes to feel good and nothing could ever take that away from me.

What continues to amaze me is how this relatively minor decision turned out to be the linchpin that created enormous change in my life. Changes that were waiting to happen, but required me to turn around and walk confidently in the direction of what I wanted.

They say that change happens in an instant. It’s resistance to change that takes a lifetime. Who knew that keeping the commitment to wash my face each night would gradually erase the resistance that has prevented the change?

Light for the Week of January 11, 2010

Thank you for being such beautiful light!

I’ve done a lot of thinking recently about all of the people on Twitter and Facebook who assert that they are financially prosperous doing everything from Google adwords to Law of Attraction coaching.  And I wonder what I would find if I asked them all to send me their tax returns for the last three years.

There is such a feeling of inauthenticity in so much of what I see online and I still ask myself regularly how to present what I do with integrity and honesty – how do I let people know about what I do?  I mean, did Jesus put signs on camels and send them out into the desert advertising his sermons?  If Buddha were alive, would he Twitter? Would Krishna be my Facebook friend?

By asking those questions, I’m not drawing a comparison between myself and them as much as I’m asking, “’how do I get the word out?” I once had a friend who said, “where I come from in Georgia, if you want to preach, you stand up on a soapbox and preach and trust that whoever needs to hear you will show up.” Her wisdom always rings true for me.

So, from my tiny soapbox in the middle of cyber space, this is me saying: I can show you how to cut through the smoke and mirrors of ego so you know more of your light.  If I can be of service, please let me know.

Lots of interesting discussions going on in the TLOL group on Facebook.  Join and jump right in.

Finally, just a few weeks til the “official” book launch for ego: A Primer, but you can learn more or get your advanced copy here. Want to see what it’s all about?  Get a free chapter by filling in your e-mail below.

Be light!

staci

Light for the Week of January 4, 2010

Thanks for adding your light!

In the last month, I’ve come across two kindred spirits who are doing similar work and want to share them with you. Sandy Gluckman works with individuals and corporations to manage ego and create lighter environments.  Learn more about her at www.sandygluckman.com

Carolyn Herfurth has a great new web site called TruthU – www.truthu.com – where she openly discusses her encounters with her ego.  She has inspired me to keep my commitment to doing video stories of my own experiences and provides a great reminder that no one has the answer to your questions but YOU!

We’ll be doing the first flash chat in the next couple of weeks.  To get all the info, you need to be a member of the TLOL group on Facebook.  Why not take a second and join now?

A mere four weeks til the “official” book launch for ego: A Primer, but you can get your advanced copy here.

Stay connected by subscribing to the monthly newsletter or the Daily Haiku by entering your e-mail address in the box below.  And finally, an opportunity to change your perception about “disadvantaged” people in the blog below – just scroll down.

Be light!

staci

The Disadvantage of Using the Word Disadvantaged

On a recent episode of Celebrity Jeopardy, Alex Trebek and Christopher Meloni chatted about Smile Train, an organization that provides low-cost surgery to repair cleft paletes. During the conversation, Trebek made a remark about the importance of taking care of “the disadvantaged people.”

To most, this may sound kind, compassionate, and even generous. To me, it was merely ego disguising itself as benevolence.

When we label someone “disadvantaged,” it automatically puts us one step above. It allows us to feel good about “helping” because “they” “need” “help.” And ego falls on the floor, laughing its ass off that it’s driven us to do “good” instead of seeing the truth.

The truth is a child with a cleft palate isn’t “disadvantaged” – she is merely having a different experience than I am. Only I have the power to judge, or not judge, what that means to me.

Putting a label like disadvantaged on someone only serves to make them less than. Then, by default, I must be “more than.” The only thing that makes ego happier than to believe it’s “less” than someone is believing it’s “better.”

It’s not ever content with the concept of oneness and it will do whatever it can to make you forget the truth and anchor you in the illusion that you’re either better or worse off than whoever you’re judging.

The next time you’re thinking about “helping the disadvantaged,” why not say something like: Let me be kind and compassionate.  Period.

Tags: compassion, disadvantaged, ego, helping, perception, truth

Light for 2010

Welcome!

As 2010 rises on the horizon, I am incredibly grateful for everything – and that includes new developments and directions for The Language of Light, many of which will make it easier for all of us to serve and support each other on this journey.

Beginning in January, we’ll be hosting flash group chats through Savor Chat. I invite you to connect with the TLOL group on Facebook so you can participate in sharing your stories and successes around ego awareness.

The “official” book launch date for ego: A Primer is February 3rd, but you can get a jump start here. There are also a never ending stream of inspiring opportunities – developing and facilitating a workshop for women and men who’ve experienced sexual violence, co-creating a mentoring program for those who’ve experienced prison, and so much more.

To stay connected, you can subscribe to the monthly newsletter or receive a thoughtful Haiku every day by entering your e-mail address in the box below.  And get a head start on 2010 with the blog “Perception May Equal Reality, But It’s Far From The Truth – just scroll down.

I wish you all a peaceful, joyous and prosperous 2010!

Be light!

staci

Perception May Equal Reality, But It’s Far From The Truth

For years, when I sought advice from my mother about a major decision, the conversation deteriorated into an argument. Because of perceptions locked within both of our minds, no matter what she said, I heard, “You are not capable of handling this.” And when I didn’t agree with her, she heard, “My opinion doesn’t matter.” This led to some awful disagreements and much unpleasantness.

My pattern has been – Ask her for advice, repeat the negative exchange, make a commitment not to involve her in my decision making process, forget I made the commitment, ask for her counsel, repeat. As we’ve both evolved and become more of who we really are, the intensity level of the pattern has been mitigated, but it still existed.

For some reason, mothers and children seem to fall prey to a pattern like this more frequently than any other relationship. Perhaps it’s the cellular memory from childhood of striving for independence and perceiving the mother doesn’t support that when she corrects or redirects. Whatever the cause, the result is the same – hearing subtext where there is none and creating chaos and negativity.

Last night, my mother and I discussed the solution I’ve chosen for selling my house. There was only one hiccup and we sailed right through it and had a meaningful conversation filled with valuable suggestions and receptivity. This morning, I realized that all of those years I heard, “You can’t handle this,” what she was saying was, “Let me help you empower yourself.”

Too often, we allow ego to “hear” what it wants, covering the truth with its smoke and mirrors and preventing us from experiencing peace – which is where power lies. How grateful I am to have broken that destructive habit, to hear what is being said instead of what ego perceives. To rise above perception, ignore “reality” and know the truth.

Light for 2010

Find the Peace Beneath the Chaos Every Day With The New  2010 Haikuware Calendar!

Each month a new Haiku supports your commitment to staying in peace no matter the circumstances around you.

All it takes is 10 seconds.

10 seconds to read and remember the truth.

10 seconds to silence the orchestra of thought called ego that created the chaos.

10 seconds for the 2010 Haikuware calendar to inspire you to find your center.

Order yours now.

$19.99 with Free Shipping

Order by Tuesday, December 15 for delivery by Christmas

Browse the TLOL Bookstore why you’re here.

For T-shirts and other items with the designs in the calendar, visit The TLOL Cafe Press Store

Tags: 2010, calendar, ego, haiku, inspiration, peace

Light for the Week of November 30, 2009

Welcome to The Language of Light! 

To get this week’s free LightStream – What Is A Spiritual Practice? – send an e-mail staci@tlol.org

The December Conversation is on Sunday – so jump off the merry-go-round of thought that turns the holidays into chaos and discover some peace of mind!  Register here.

The reviews and feedback for ego: A Primer are amazing – be sure to get your copy.

There are lots of changes on the horizon – including some big ones for those of you who are already members of the tribe.  I’m developing so many more ways to support your desire to know your light and I’m excited to share them with you! 

I invite you to explore the links to the right to find the books, events, and other materials that resonate with your Self.  And check out the new blog below – What About the Flip Side?  Have a beautiful week!

Be light!

staci

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New Blog: What About the Flip Side?

My father passed away six years ago today. I always thought it was important to have his approval, and I spent years, including some when he wasn’t even alive, searching for ways to get him to notice me.

I remember going home one Christmas, shortly after I’d written The Nitty Gritty Tool Kit for Career Transition. It was the culmination of two years of consulting as an outplacement counselor and I along with my knowledge, I had poured my heart and soul into it.

Tucked inside a manila envelope, I proudly presented the book to him, with the requisite explanation of what it was and what had inspired me to write it. I didn’t realize at the time that I saw myself as the 4-year old in saddle shoes, waiting for validation of some sort from the man whose genes I shared.

He sat down in his big chair to take a look and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I returned, not more than five minutes later, the book was back in the envelope and sitting on the coffee table. I felt crushed.

After stewing for a few minutes, I told him how I felt, and in his gruff manner – code for “I don’t know what you want from me” – he defended his actions and said something meaningless like, “It’s nice.” But the fact that I said anything was a turning point. It was the moment I realized the impact I’d allowed my father’s apparent lack of interest in me to have on my life.

As is standard, this didn’t mean overnight change. Evidence of the “daddy validation” monster surfaced over the years – an amalgam of ego manifestations: perception, experience, the past, beliefs, and feelings – wrapped in a hushed package of white noise that drove many of my choices.

Recently, I realized that the flip side (and there is always a flip side) of this coin has been my misguided drive not to let him down, not to disappoint him. By extension, I’ve demonstrated this behavior with others in my life. It’s been one of the open Explorer windows in the background of my consciousness. I didn’t even realize it existed, yet there it was sucking energy, serving as motivation, nudging me to make choices. And of course, providing a breeding ground for negative emotions like guilt.

Becoming aware of it caused a huge paradigm shift because it helped me to recognize that I don’t have the power to let someone down. This has placed me in new surroundings, a clean environment, and offered me freedom from a prison that never existed. Thank you, Dad.

Light for the Week of November 23, 2009

Welcome to The Language of Light!  Here you will find tools and resources that will support your journey to knowing who you are by learning who you’re not. 

I invite you to explore the links to the right to find the books, events, and other materials that resonate with your Self. And check out the new blog below – The Blight of Self Involvement.  Have a beautiful week!

Be light!

staci

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New Blog: The Blight of Self-Involvement

My mother accidentally called me today. She thought she was calling her voicemail and was surprised to find me on the other end of the line.  When I asked how she was, it was mere seconds before the truth came out.  “I feel so overwhelmed, Staci,” she admitted.  She went on to tell me why and  I was stunned to find out I had contributed to her emotional state.

There has been so much going on lately, both professionally and personally. I’ve taken a new direction in my career that is bringing awesome results and there have been some major decisions to make regarding my house.  I’ve really relied on her guidance and advice.  I had no idea she felt so stressed out about it.

Because my mother works very hard to know who she really is, she realized that worrying about others or taking on the stress of their challenges doesn’t serve her.  She’s my mother, though, so she gets a pass on being concerned about me – it comes with the territory.  We’re such good friends, sometimes I forget she’s my mom.

We had a loving and positive conversation that reminded me of two things.  First, it’s too easy to get caught up in my own little world.  Whether I’m focused on career, relationships, family, or something else, the blight of self-involvement can have a major impact on the lives of those who care about me.

Our conversation helped me to step outside my own life and see that demonstrating compassion about how my challenges affect her as my mother will go a long way in bringing us closer. A simple question like, “Can I talk to you about this?” instead of just launching into what’s going on, give her the opportunity to decide if she’s in a place to discuss it.

Second, I was reminded that any time there are intense emotional reactions, it’s a sign that ego is gorging at a major “thought buffet.”  And there’s only one reason it’s happening.  Feeling overwhelmed or like everything is “too much” is a clear indicator that you’re not taking care of yourself.

It’s almost like the other extreme of the self-involvement pendulum – being so concerned with everyone else’s issues and challenges that you neglect your Self.  I reminded her of what my friend Michelle asks me when I find myself in that place.  “What can you take control over in this moment?”

Returning to the moment is the quickest way to return to peace, to re-center and take ego out of the driver’s seat.  Taking control of what you can control, instead of becoming overwhelmed with everything that reminds you that you have none, is a great next step. Even if what you can control is going into the food co-op to buy the vegetarian parmesan cheese you need, it’s enough.  I’m sure my mom’s lasagna was delicious!