Snippets of Insight and Snark
A trip to the beach in Indian Rocks always opens the door for insights, understanding and inspiration. It also makes me the slightest bit snarky. Here’s what went through my mind during the process of going to the beach today:
* I wish I could scrub the inside of my brain with a bucket of soapy water, rinse, and repeat.
* It was stunning to realize that I’ve always believed that the way to deal with pain is to push through it. Not to walk away from what’s causing it or to stop what I’m doing that makes it hurt. Head down. Nose to the grindstone. Push through it. That’s what I’ve done. Because my belief was that when you push through the pain, it goes away. It does not. You just get used to it.
* I saw a guy getting onto the interstate driving a motor cycle wearing a neck brace, but no helmet. Seriously.
* I really had a taste for a Greek salad. One of my recent intentions is to “look for what I say I want,” so on the 20 minute drive back to Tampa, I looked and looked, but saw nothing. Trying to read the tiny type on the strip mall signs even made me almost swerve into the next lane. I reminded myself I merely had to keep my eyes open, not hunt for it. I was almost at Panera’s, where I planned to write for a few hours, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of eating there . . . again. I almost pulled in, but something made me keep going and what was in the very next block? A new (open for a week “new”) Greek restaurant called Gogo’s Greek Cafe. God’s a funny guy.
* I read that Chris Brown spoke out in support of Tiger Woods. Really.
* When Kevin Smith got kicked off the Southwest Airlines flight a week ago, it hit a nerve. As someone who has been heavy most of my life, the news created a tornado of memory and anxiety. Once I moved through it and no longer felt emotionally connected, I had a thought. What if it was a publicity stunt? What if the whole thing was a set up because he had a movie opening in a few days and no box office success in years? No publicity is bad publicity, right? I shuddered at the thought. After reading the reviews for Cop Out, my thought had been upgraded to a theory.
* I’ve taken things because they were available, not because I wanted them. Like a to-go Pepsi from Panera’s. From this moment forward, let me take things because I desire them, because they make me feel good. Not because I’m afraid I’ll want it another time and it won’t be available.
* For years, I’ve interpreted the tight feeling I sometimes get around my throat as my body telling me that if I didn’t so the thing I was thinking about doing, that I wouldn’t have what I needed. Now I realize I was wrong. What my body has been trying to tell me all this time is, “You don’t need to do this. There are other options you can’t see yet. Sit tight.” This changes everything.
* Measurement has always been an obsession of mine. Grades, time, sales figures, hips. If there was a way, I’d measure it. It’s been more than 11 years since I left my corporate job and I still find myself placing value on my accomplishments based on the amount of time it took to achieve them. Today while walking on the beach, I turned around to see how far I’d gone. It looked to be a little over 100 yards and like some kind of idiot savant, I began calculating – 5,280 feet in a mile, 1760 yards, so if I go 300 yards, that’s . . . then something stopped me. Why was it so important to know if I walked 1/8 of a mile or 1/4 or 1/2? Measurement can be an effective method of evaluation, but what was I really evaluating? The important thing to measure is how I feel – not how far I’ve gone, how many books I’ve sold, canvasses I’ve painted or money I’ve earned. Measure the joy. It’s all that matters.
* Free the damn whale. Quit capturing wild animals so you can make money and then get pissed off when it does what it was created to do. When you play in a snake pit and get bitten by snake, you’re an idiot to be angry with the snake. Let the whale go and find another way of “entertaining” the masses before more people die and are more people are traumatized because they paid to watch it happen.
*Wearing the Pashmina shawl my friend Barb bought me in Pakistan makes me feel wildly feminine. Why is it that draping material over your shoulders brings out the girly? Maybe it’s the fringe.