Light for the Week of November 30, 2009
Welcome to The Language of Light!
To get this week’s free LightStream – What Is A Spiritual Practice? – send an e-mail staci@tlol.org
The December Conversation is on Sunday – so jump off the merry-go-round of thought that turns the holidays into chaos and discover some peace of mind! Register here.
The reviews and feedback for ego: A Primer are amazing – be sure to get your copy.
There are lots of changes on the horizon – including some big ones for those of you who are already members of the tribe. I’m developing so many more ways to support your desire to know your light and I’m excited to share them with you!
I invite you to explore the links to the right to find the books, events, and other materials that resonate with your Self. And check out the new blog below – What About the Flip Side? Have a beautiful week!
Be light!
staci
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New Blog: What About the Flip Side?
My father passed away six years ago today. I always thought it was important to have his approval, and I spent years, including some when he wasn’t even alive, searching for ways to get him to notice me.
I remember going home one Christmas, shortly after I’d written The Nitty Gritty Tool Kit for Career Transition. It was the culmination of two years of consulting as an outplacement counselor and I along with my knowledge, I had poured my heart and soul into it.
Tucked inside a manila envelope, I proudly presented the book to him, with the requisite explanation of what it was and what had inspired me to write it. I didn’t realize at the time that I saw myself as the 4-year old in saddle shoes, waiting for validation of some sort from the man whose genes I shared.
He sat down in his big chair to take a look and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I returned, not more than five minutes later, the book was back in the envelope and sitting on the coffee table. I felt crushed.
After stewing for a few minutes, I told him how I felt, and in his gruff manner – code for “I don’t know what you want from me” – he defended his actions and said something meaningless like, “It’s nice.” But the fact that I said anything was a turning point. It was the moment I realized the impact I’d allowed my father’s apparent lack of interest in me to have on my life.
As is standard, this didn’t mean overnight change. Evidence of the “daddy validation” monster surfaced over the years – an amalgam of ego manifestations: perception, experience, the past, beliefs, and feelings – wrapped in a hushed package of white noise that drove many of my choices.
Recently, I realized that the flip side (and there is always a flip side) of this coin has been my misguided drive not to let him down, not to disappoint him. By extension, I’ve demonstrated this behavior with others in my life. It’s been one of the open Explorer windows in the background of my consciousness. I didn’t even realize it existed, yet there it was sucking energy, serving as motivation, nudging me to make choices. And of course, providing a breeding ground for negative emotions like guilt.
Becoming aware of it caused a huge paradigm shift because it helped me to recognize that I don’t have the power to let someone down. This has placed me in new surroundings, a clean environment, and offered me freedom from a prison that never existed. Thank you, Dad.