All You Need To Know To Get Over A Break-up
Yahoo posted an article this week on the 5 Rules of Getting Over a Breakup. One of tips said:
Remember how things, like stupid songs and movies and that little spot in the park that you two went to on your first date used to be “yours”? Well, they’re not anymore. Don’t make a connection to platonic objects when there isn’t one. Remind yourself that you like that spot in the park because of the good view, not because of anyone connected to it.
“No!” I screamed at the computer. “You’ve got it all wrong.” No song, no place, no movie was ever “yours.” You just told yourself they were. Second, reminding yourself that you like the spot in the park because of its good view serves no purpose other than throwing down the gauntlet for ego because it is still attached to what you told yourself it meant and it will fight you every step of the way to hold on to that belief.
The part about not making a connection to objects points in the right direction, but what you have to get to first is awareness about what you told yourself all of those things meant, and chances are they all lead to believing you’re “special.” Ego loves to perceive that you’re “special” and most romantic relationships feed that perception. Until it’s over.
The suffering doesn’t come from “missing” the other person. It comes from the realization that most of the things you convinced yourself were true are not. The key to getting over a break up is to remove the meaning you’ve assigned to everything that happened while you were in the relationship.
When you tell yourself that little spot in the park is “special” because it was the birthplace of your “love”, that it signified the beginning of what was to be the best relationship of your life, or that it was where you discovered the one person who was meant to love you “this way”, you have set yourself up for suffering and disappointment.
The truth is nothing means anything until you say it means something. You have the power to choose whether you give any experience meaning – good or bad. It’s so much easier to remove the meaning from the “bad” experiences. Or make it about the other person. But it’s just as important to detach from the meaning you’ve given to the “good” ones.
Assigning meaning is an ego game designed solely to create misery. We all do it. However, when you’re able to be aware of when you’re doing it and detach before it anchors in your subconscious, you’re free to be completely present and enjoy each moment in the relationship. If and when it becomes clear it’s time to part ways, there is a lot less suffering. It requires a lot of energy to be this aware. But if you’re half as committed to it as you were to the relationship, you’ll find a peace that’s not revealed any other way. That’s how you really “get over” a break up.