The Language of Light

Light for the Week of February 7, 2010

I once remember a former boss saying, “The only consistent thing in life is change.” Twenty years later, I have a deeper understanding of what she meant.

The biggest change for me right now is my absolute commitment to doing only what makes me feel good.  So there are some things I thought I’d be doing that I’m choosing not to pursue.

What I am doing is working on my third novel. I’m selling my house because I want to live in an apartment overlooking Tampa Bay. I’ve approached a literary agent who I feel would make a great partner and expect to sell the work I’ve done over the last few years.

I’m also writing for the Lazy Days RV center and learning lots of interesting things and meeting the most fantastic people.  I invite you to check out their site at www.betterRVing.com.

As of next week, I’m returning to the old blog format, so you’ll see the new blog immediately when you arrive.  For now, it’s below. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and experiences with you. I look forward to hearing about yours.

staci

The Significance of Insignificant

For years, I struggled to find the discipline to wash my face every night before bed. I know it may sound silly, but it’s been one of the tiny battles in my life – the kind that don’t require the general and all the troops, but one that has consistently redirected energy without my awareness.

When I’m in the groove, there is no doubt how much I love the feeling of a steaming hot washcloth laid over my face and the fresh smell of facial cleanser. It is a symbolic “wiping away” of the day and allows me to retire for the evening feeling good because the last thing I did was take care of me.

There always seems to come a night, however, when I say I’m too tired and convince myself that missing one time won’t matter. But it does. Because somehow, one night turns into two, then seven, and before I know it, I’m back in the middle of the struggle wondering how I let it happen . . . again.

Recently, something shifted and for several months now, I’ve washed my face every night. When I didn’t want to or felt too tired, I reminded myself how good it felt to crawl into bed knowing I’d taken the time to do something that made me feel so good. I didn’t give myself any “outs.”

It wasn’t long before something interesting began to happen. In the mornings, I noticed that regardless of how I slept, no matter what happened the day before or what I was facing next, I smiled – because I knew that I had taken five tiny minutes to feel good and nothing could ever take that away from me.

What continues to amaze me is how this relatively minor decision turned out to be the linchpin that created enormous change in my life. Changes that were waiting to happen, but required me to turn around and walk confidently in the direction of what I wanted.

They say that change happens in an instant. It’s resistance to change that takes a lifetime. Who knew that keeping the commitment to wash my face each night would gradually erase the resistance that has prevented the change?

Light for the Week of January 11, 2010

Thank you for being such beautiful light!

I’ve done a lot of thinking recently about all of the people on Twitter and Facebook who assert that they are financially prosperous doing everything from Google adwords to Law of Attraction coaching.  And I wonder what I would find if I asked them all to send me their tax returns for the last three years.

There is such a feeling of inauthenticity in so much of what I see online and I still ask myself regularly how to present what I do with integrity and honesty – how do I let people know about what I do?  I mean, did Jesus put signs on camels and send them out into the desert advertising his sermons?  If Buddha were alive, would he Twitter? Would Krishna be my Facebook friend?

By asking those questions, I’m not drawing a comparison between myself and them as much as I’m asking, “’how do I get the word out?” I once had a friend who said, “where I come from in Georgia, if you want to preach, you stand up on a soapbox and preach and trust that whoever needs to hear you will show up.” Her wisdom always rings true for me.

So, from my tiny soapbox in the middle of cyber space, this is me saying: I can show you how to cut through the smoke and mirrors of ego so you know more of your light.  If I can be of service, please let me know.

Lots of interesting discussions going on in the TLOL group on Facebook.  Join and jump right in.

Finally, just a few weeks til the “official” book launch for ego: A Primer, but you can learn more or get your advanced copy here. Want to see what it’s all about?  Get a free chapter by filling in your e-mail below.

Be light!

staci

Light for the Week of January 4, 2010

Thanks for adding your light!

In the last month, I’ve come across two kindred spirits who are doing similar work and want to share them with you. Sandy Gluckman works with individuals and corporations to manage ego and create lighter environments.  Learn more about her at www.sandygluckman.com

Carolyn Herfurth has a great new web site called TruthU – www.truthu.com – where she openly discusses her encounters with her ego.  She has inspired me to keep my commitment to doing video stories of my own experiences and provides a great reminder that no one has the answer to your questions but YOU!

We’ll be doing the first flash chat in the next couple of weeks.  To get all the info, you need to be a member of the TLOL group on Facebook.  Why not take a second and join now?

A mere four weeks til the “official” book launch for ego: A Primer, but you can get your advanced copy here.

Stay connected by subscribing to the monthly newsletter or the Daily Haiku by entering your e-mail address in the box below.  And finally, an opportunity to change your perception about “disadvantaged” people in the blog below – just scroll down.

Be light!

staci

The Disadvantage of Using the Word Disadvantaged

On a recent episode of Celebrity Jeopardy, Alex Trebek and Christopher Meloni chatted about Smile Train, an organization that provides low-cost surgery to repair cleft paletes. During the conversation, Trebek made a remark about the importance of taking care of “the disadvantaged people.”

To most, this may sound kind, compassionate, and even generous. To me, it was merely ego disguising itself as benevolence.

When we label someone “disadvantaged,” it automatically puts us one step above. It allows us to feel good about “helping” because “they” “need” “help.” And ego falls on the floor, laughing its ass off that it’s driven us to do “good” instead of seeing the truth.

The truth is a child with a cleft palate isn’t “disadvantaged” – she is merely having a different experience than I am. Only I have the power to judge, or not judge, what that means to me.

Putting a label like disadvantaged on someone only serves to make them less than. Then, by default, I must be “more than.” The only thing that makes ego happier than to believe it’s “less” than someone is believing it’s “better.”

It’s not ever content with the concept of oneness and it will do whatever it can to make you forget the truth and anchor you in the illusion that you’re either better or worse off than whoever you’re judging.

The next time you’re thinking about “helping the disadvantaged,” why not say something like: Let me be kind and compassionate.  Period.

Tags: compassion, disadvantaged, ego, helping, perception, truth

Light for 2010

Welcome!

As 2010 rises on the horizon, I am incredibly grateful for everything – and that includes new developments and directions for The Language of Light, many of which will make it easier for all of us to serve and support each other on this journey.

Beginning in January, we’ll be hosting flash group chats through Savor Chat. I invite you to connect with the TLOL group on Facebook so you can participate in sharing your stories and successes around ego awareness.

The “official” book launch date for ego: A Primer is February 3rd, but you can get a jump start here. There are also a never ending stream of inspiring opportunities – developing and facilitating a workshop for women and men who’ve experienced sexual violence, co-creating a mentoring program for those who’ve experienced prison, and so much more.

To stay connected, you can subscribe to the monthly newsletter or receive a thoughtful Haiku every day by entering your e-mail address in the box below.  And get a head start on 2010 with the blog “Perception May Equal Reality, But It’s Far From The Truth – just scroll down.

I wish you all a peaceful, joyous and prosperous 2010!

Be light!

staci

Perception May Equal Reality, But It’s Far From The Truth

For years, when I sought advice from my mother about a major decision, the conversation deteriorated into an argument. Because of perceptions locked within both of our minds, no matter what she said, I heard, “You are not capable of handling this.” And when I didn’t agree with her, she heard, “My opinion doesn’t matter.” This led to some awful disagreements and much unpleasantness.

My pattern has been – Ask her for advice, repeat the negative exchange, make a commitment not to involve her in my decision making process, forget I made the commitment, ask for her counsel, repeat. As we’ve both evolved and become more of who we really are, the intensity level of the pattern has been mitigated, but it still existed.

For some reason, mothers and children seem to fall prey to a pattern like this more frequently than any other relationship. Perhaps it’s the cellular memory from childhood of striving for independence and perceiving the mother doesn’t support that when she corrects or redirects. Whatever the cause, the result is the same – hearing subtext where there is none and creating chaos and negativity.

Last night, my mother and I discussed the solution I’ve chosen for selling my house. There was only one hiccup and we sailed right through it and had a meaningful conversation filled with valuable suggestions and receptivity. This morning, I realized that all of those years I heard, “You can’t handle this,” what she was saying was, “Let me help you empower yourself.”

Too often, we allow ego to “hear” what it wants, covering the truth with its smoke and mirrors and preventing us from experiencing peace – which is where power lies. How grateful I am to have broken that destructive habit, to hear what is being said instead of what ego perceives. To rise above perception, ignore “reality” and know the truth.

Light for 2010

Find the Peace Beneath the Chaos Every Day With The New  2010 Haikuware Calendar!

Each month a new Haiku supports your commitment to staying in peace no matter the circumstances around you.

All it takes is 10 seconds.

10 seconds to read and remember the truth.

10 seconds to silence the orchestra of thought called ego that created the chaos.

10 seconds for the 2010 Haikuware calendar to inspire you to find your center.

Order yours now.

$19.99 with Free Shipping

Order by Tuesday, December 15 for delivery by Christmas

Browse the TLOL Bookstore why you’re here.

For T-shirts and other items with the designs in the calendar, visit The TLOL Cafe Press Store

Tags: 2010, calendar, ego, haiku, inspiration, peace

Light for the Week of November 30, 2009

Welcome to The Language of Light! 

To get this week’s free LightStream – What Is A Spiritual Practice? – send an e-mail staci@tlol.org

The December Conversation is on Sunday – so jump off the merry-go-round of thought that turns the holidays into chaos and discover some peace of mind!  Register here.

The reviews and feedback for ego: A Primer are amazing – be sure to get your copy.

There are lots of changes on the horizon – including some big ones for those of you who are already members of the tribe.  I’m developing so many more ways to support your desire to know your light and I’m excited to share them with you! 

I invite you to explore the links to the right to find the books, events, and other materials that resonate with your Self.  And check out the new blog below – What About the Flip Side?  Have a beautiful week!

Be light!

staci

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New Blog: What About the Flip Side?

My father passed away six years ago today. I always thought it was important to have his approval, and I spent years, including some when he wasn’t even alive, searching for ways to get him to notice me.

I remember going home one Christmas, shortly after I’d written The Nitty Gritty Tool Kit for Career Transition. It was the culmination of two years of consulting as an outplacement counselor and I along with my knowledge, I had poured my heart and soul into it.

Tucked inside a manila envelope, I proudly presented the book to him, with the requisite explanation of what it was and what had inspired me to write it. I didn’t realize at the time that I saw myself as the 4-year old in saddle shoes, waiting for validation of some sort from the man whose genes I shared.

He sat down in his big chair to take a look and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I returned, not more than five minutes later, the book was back in the envelope and sitting on the coffee table. I felt crushed.

After stewing for a few minutes, I told him how I felt, and in his gruff manner – code for “I don’t know what you want from me” – he defended his actions and said something meaningless like, “It’s nice.” But the fact that I said anything was a turning point. It was the moment I realized the impact I’d allowed my father’s apparent lack of interest in me to have on my life.

As is standard, this didn’t mean overnight change. Evidence of the “daddy validation” monster surfaced over the years – an amalgam of ego manifestations: perception, experience, the past, beliefs, and feelings – wrapped in a hushed package of white noise that drove many of my choices.

Recently, I realized that the flip side (and there is always a flip side) of this coin has been my misguided drive not to let him down, not to disappoint him. By extension, I’ve demonstrated this behavior with others in my life. It’s been one of the open Explorer windows in the background of my consciousness. I didn’t even realize it existed, yet there it was sucking energy, serving as motivation, nudging me to make choices. And of course, providing a breeding ground for negative emotions like guilt.

Becoming aware of it caused a huge paradigm shift because it helped me to recognize that I don’t have the power to let someone down. This has placed me in new surroundings, a clean environment, and offered me freedom from a prison that never existed. Thank you, Dad.

Light for the Week of November 23, 2009

Welcome to The Language of Light!  Here you will find tools and resources that will support your journey to knowing who you are by learning who you’re not. 

I invite you to explore the links to the right to find the books, events, and other materials that resonate with your Self. And check out the new blog below – The Blight of Self Involvement.  Have a beautiful week!

Be light!

staci

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New Blog: The Blight of Self-Involvement

My mother accidentally called me today. She thought she was calling her voicemail and was surprised to find me on the other end of the line.  When I asked how she was, it was mere seconds before the truth came out.  “I feel so overwhelmed, Staci,” she admitted.  She went on to tell me why and  I was stunned to find out I had contributed to her emotional state.

There has been so much going on lately, both professionally and personally. I’ve taken a new direction in my career that is bringing awesome results and there have been some major decisions to make regarding my house.  I’ve really relied on her guidance and advice.  I had no idea she felt so stressed out about it.

Because my mother works very hard to know who she really is, she realized that worrying about others or taking on the stress of their challenges doesn’t serve her.  She’s my mother, though, so she gets a pass on being concerned about me – it comes with the territory.  We’re such good friends, sometimes I forget she’s my mom.

We had a loving and positive conversation that reminded me of two things.  First, it’s too easy to get caught up in my own little world.  Whether I’m focused on career, relationships, family, or something else, the blight of self-involvement can have a major impact on the lives of those who care about me.

Our conversation helped me to step outside my own life and see that demonstrating compassion about how my challenges affect her as my mother will go a long way in bringing us closer. A simple question like, “Can I talk to you about this?” instead of just launching into what’s going on, give her the opportunity to decide if she’s in a place to discuss it.

Second, I was reminded that any time there are intense emotional reactions, it’s a sign that ego is gorging at a major “thought buffet.”  And there’s only one reason it’s happening.  Feeling overwhelmed or like everything is “too much” is a clear indicator that you’re not taking care of yourself.

It’s almost like the other extreme of the self-involvement pendulum – being so concerned with everyone else’s issues and challenges that you neglect your Self.  I reminded her of what my friend Michelle asks me when I find myself in that place.  “What can you take control over in this moment?”

Returning to the moment is the quickest way to return to peace, to re-center and take ego out of the driver’s seat.  Taking control of what you can control, instead of becoming overwhelmed with everything that reminds you that you have none, is a great next step. Even if what you can control is going into the food co-op to buy the vegetarian parmesan cheese you need, it’s enough.  I’m sure my mom’s lasagna was delicious!

Chasing Cabs

When my friend Jeff asked me if I wanted to brainstorm story ideas for a film he and a friend were making for the National Film Challenge, I jumped at the opportunity.  It’s been a dream of mine for years to be involved in making a film, and here was a chance. 

On a Friday night in a dimly lit Starbucks, five of us tossed out ideas for a story that fit the Suspense/Thriller category they’d been given.  It was like an electrified game of verbal volleyball as we bandied about concepts before choosing the one we all liked the most. For the next four hours, we built a story.  Sometimes we argued.  Usually we laughed as we threw out outrageous ideas and followed the trail to the inevitable absurd consequences.  I don’t remember the last time I’ve had so much fun.

The rules of the contest gave them 72 hours to write, cast, shoot, and edit. Somewhere around 11pm, I grabbed a notebook and said, “We’ve got to get organized and story board this or you guys won’t ever be able to write the script tonight.” I had a commitment early the next morning and couldn’t help with the writing, but I knew an outline would be helpful.  A half hour later, there were 20 scenes and I went home, euphoric from being around such creativity.

A week later, Jeff posted the “director’s cut” on YouTube.  I tried several times to watch it, but my Internet was acting funky and the video kept hiccupping.  It took a few days, but the stars finally aligned and I was able to watch it.  I didn’t expect the finished product to be much like the outline, but I was surprised to find it was remarkably close.

I felt like little kid when I recognized parts that had my fingerprints on them.  The ending was what we’d all decided that night and I grinned from ear to ear as the credits rolled.  Much to my surprise, as the “Written By” names flew by, I realized mine was one of them. 

I was blown away.  I was just helping out a friend, who has lent his creative talent to my endeavors more than once.  It honestly hadn’t occurred to me that I would be given credit of any kind.  And when I saw it, it was the realization of a dream.  When I shared it with my friend, Rita, she said, “He included you in the credits long before you knew about it.” 

A few nights later, I had a dream that I was going somewhere and all my friends kept pushing me to look for a cab so I could get to the airport. Despite their insistence, I chose to relax and watch a movie because I knew the limousine was already on its way.  And sure enough, the limo showed up and I made my flight.

I’ve wasted a lot of energy chasing cabs.  For now, I’m trusting in what’s already been done – even though I don’t know about it.

To see the film, click here.

Tags: creativity, dreams, ego, passion

Do You Deserve God’s Grace or Protection?

A colleague sent an e-mail discussing the recent shooting in Orlando where 30 people were killed and revealed that her niece worked at the company where it took place.  Tragically, the young woman saw several people shot.  My colleague wrote this in her e-mail:  We are all grateful to THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY for protecting her today.

Her words reminded me of a class I took with Unity teacher Paul Tenaglia when I lived in New York City.  After one of the students finished talking about a friend who was struggling with chaos, he said, “There but for the grace of  God…”  Most of us nodded in understanding.

Always willing to use any opportunity to share an insight, Paul jumped in immediately.  “When you say that, you’re implying that your friend doesn’t have God’s grace.” 

Although it wasn’t a phrase I used often, I had said it, and Paul’s words sliced through the arrogance that was comfortable with that concept.  Who was I to credit God’s grace for protecting me and assuming that those who experienced negative circumstances or tragedy had no grace?

I’ve never used that expression since that day over twelve years ago, and have watched the negative reactions and resistance when I’ve pointed out the deeper meaning to others when they’ve made that statement.

My colleague’s words have a similar subtext.  If the reason her niece is still alive is because she had God’s protection, doesn’t that imply that those who were killed did not? It may be a fine line, but it’s an important one. Not one of us is more entitled to or more easily given God’s grace or protection. 

Using words like these as a way of trying to understand that which is not understandable is nothing but ego trying to insert intellect into the mystery that is God. And any attempt to use the human mind as a tool to understand the paradox that is Source leads only to frustration and confusion – neither of which ever lead to peace.

Learn more about how to “out your ego”  with the new book, ego: A Primer

Tags: acim, ego, god, orlando shooting, peace, prayer

What’s the Point In Being “Bad”?

 I have a good friend who recently shared some insecurity around her driving abilities. Last week, while on our way to a movie, she remarked that her father, among others, have always criticized her driving, and although I wouldn’t label her a bad driver, apparently that’s what she considers herself to be.

Since first mentioning it a few weeks ago, I’ve learned she’s had eight car accidents in less than twenty years.  I’ve also noticed she often hesitates when making decisions to shift lanes or accelerate through an intersection.  All of these details have been marinating in my mind.  What I’ve concluded is that there’s no such thing as a bad driver.

How many times have I told myself I was “bad” at something.  A bad homeowner.  A bad housekeeper.  I’ve labeled myself a bad organizer.  A bad time manager.  Saying you’re “bad” at something is nothing but ego trying to keep you from having peace. 

If it can convince you that you’re a “bad” organizer, that gives you a reason to beat yourself up when you can’t find something you need. Why not ask a friend who’s good at organizing to help you out or even pay someone to offer pointers so you can build your confidence?     

If ego can persuade you that you’re “bad” at home repairs, you stay locked in a vicious circle of feeling guilty that something’s not been fixed and criticizing yourself for not being able to do it. The truth is, there are plenty of ways to learn how to make simple home repairs.  Maybe you just need to admit you don’t like to do home repairs.

I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t like doing housework or home repairs, and I’m OK with it. After spending a sufficient amount of time feeling bad about being disorganized or out of time, I’ve sought the knowledge I need to increase my skill level and have been working on it – even if it seems an extraordinarily slow process.

Calling yourself “bad” at doing something is a copout.  When you judge yourself instead of choosing to ask for help or admitting you don’t want to do something, you’re setting yourself up for ego to be in control.  And that’s chaos – guaranteed.

Tags: acim, chaos, ego, inspirational, peace, self-improvement, spirit, spirituality